storm damage in TN

I've thought about how to organize this post...or how to even organize my thoughts in general & my conclusion is I can't. I'm still processing everything. I'm still making discoveries about myself & letting observations sink in. So...this post is going to be my scattered thoughts & this is forewarning that I may be all over the place.


For those of you not familiar with where John and I live in relation to the storms...we are in a tiny town called Ooltewah. I've attached map so you can get an idea of how it's all laid out.

Ooltewah-where our house is
Cleveland-15 min away, where we went to college, where our church is, where we volunteered this weekend, hit hard by tornadoes
Ringgold-20 min away. John passes daily on his way to work, hit hard by tornadoes
Apison- 10 min. away, hit hard by tornadoes
Dalton-45 min away, where John works


John and I didn't get damage at our house. We got hail, high winds, the craziest lightning I've ever seen and hard rain, but that is it. We are very lucky & fortunate.


Drive.
We decided to post pone our plans for the weekend, which included a ton of yard work & for me to edit pictures. Lucky for me the bride will totally understand! :) We saw different postings on FB about where to meet to join a group doing relief work or to pass out hot meals to those without power...95,000 lost power & a lot still don't have power. Passing out hot meals just isn't John's thing so he decided he could serve better by putting on carhart overalls, rounding up some guys with chain saws and driving! I didn't think that I could really help him with this, but I ended up being wrong.



shell shock.
I had no idea until I went out and saw with my very own eyes how bad the damage is. People have literally lost everything they own. There are neighborhoods that are completely destroyed and it looks like war zones. It literally looks as if bombs were dropped from the sky, completely destroying one home while only taking the roof from another. It's indescribable. When driving out of the "war zone" and onto a perfectly fine street surrounded by busy restaurants that have no damage or going on FB & seeing life carrying on as normal... it's almost like shell shock. If you have ever been out of the country on a missions trip & then come home to your perfect American neighborhood then you know the feeling I'm talking about. It's just usually not your hometown. Its hard not to be angry at people that still go to the movies (guilty as charged) or relax at the lake while there is so much to be done in the "war zone." Just as it's hard to not be angry when you see wasted food at a buffet when you've been to a third world country where children are starving. I'm not saying that I've never thrown food away after serving starving children or bought expensive shoes after seeing the bare feet of children across the world. Every experience that I've had to serve people has changed me...has impacted who I am as a person, but I have to be reminded of the lessons I've learned every now and then. Don't you? Don't you remember the shell shock wearing off to where you can actually eat out again without feeling guilty? I have to keep putting myself in those life changing situations in order to remember what is most important. You are in control of your actions, responsible for your feelings, your priorities & its best to not worry/focus or think about anyone else. Try to not be angry with people that still don't really understand what has happened (that was me) and how bad the need is. Everything may look totally fine on their roads and unless you know where to go, you won't see damage. It may be ALL you can see, but keep in mind its sometimes hard to see what may be right in front of you. Help them see...that is all you can do.

Some highlights/lesson/thoughts from this weekend are....


jib-jab.
Talking with people that I would have never ever had the chance to speak with was amazing. You can't just walk up to people in their neighborhood and ask to borrow a rake in order to start up conversation. You can't just ask them how they are doing, if they need something to drink or if they have trees that needed to be cut down. This tragedy (like so many others) really binds people together. It gave us all a common ground...something to talk about & an opportunity to make relationships. I enjoyed talking to people more than anything else I've done this weekend. I wanted to hear them tell me their stories, I wanted them to know I was listening & that I cared...I deeply cared. I wanted to hear about their grown children that lived in CA & their silly husbands who didn't listen to them when it was time to get in the basement. This morning I woke up with these people on my mind. I found myself wanting to stop by just to say "hi"...just to say "I still remember you."


Action speaks.
When we first pulled up to a more remote area that hadn't been helped yet, I noticed a few guys standing in their front yard looking like they belonged on"LA Ink" (love that show btw). About an hour into working to remove the debris, I saw one of them out of the corner of my eye...with a chain saw. I went up to him & found out they had taken care of his house & his friends house earlier in the day so they didn't need any work done. It took a few more minutes of chatting, but I could tell he wanted to help (duh--chainsaw in hand), but didn't really know how to ask...how to say "what can I do?" So...I did what I naturally do...bossed him around & told him where to start. (side note: this "quality" isn't always good and gets me into trouble with people from time to time, but I've found can be appropriate in disaster relief). Some of his other buddies came to help after they realized these cleaned up church people weren't going to chew up his friend & spit him out (some actually do that so I don't blame them). It hit me square in the eyes though that sometimes it doesn't occur to people to help their neighbor out. It took people from outside the neighborhood to come in and help for them to realize "hey--this is my neighbor--I can help too." It made me think about what am I blind to in my own neighborhood...what isn't occurring to me that is so obvious?


Focus.
You get pretty focused on the task at hand...whether it's moving tree limbs or searching for lost photo albums. When you are focused you don't realize who has joined you! I can't tell you how surprised I would be to look up and see 3 or 4 new faces piling up limbs or raking up rubble. Hi...um...when did you get here? I wouldn't know if they had been there 3 minute or 30 minutes b/c I had no clue someone else had walked up at all!


anonymous.
It was easy to move from one house to the next with so many homes damaged. If you finished up one project all you had to do was walk across the street and join in with the others for the next project. Several things happened because of this. 1. Our group of 1 car became a caravan of 3! We would go from one place to the next together...just meeting each other for the first time. 2. There isn't much time for questions. It was rare to actually know who's house you were working on! I had a lady ask me "is this your house?" and my response was "no, I thought it might be yours!" Come to find out...all 10 of us had no clue who's house we were actually working on! Truth be told, on two of the homes we worked on the owners weren't even there. We were anonymous workers that came to help an anonymous home owner. talk about a community coming together!


Overwhelmed.
The clean up alone is going to take months. It feels like everything you've done is a drop in the bucket. It's that feeling of having a project that seems impossible hanging over your head times 100...and the pressure is so much you could bawl your eyes out. It feels impossible...yet I know that just means we have to work harder and not let the devastation get to us. So many communities have been effected. How can I help them all? How can I make any difference?


blessed?
One last random thought as I gather up everything rambling around in my head.

I had a lady look me straight in the eyes yesterday as I has giving her baby food, diapers, shampoo, bottled water & hot food...she said "God will bless you for this" and my heart stopped. I was so uncomfortable with her words. why? All she was trying to do was say "bless you for your help," but she didn't say that...and what she said made me shiver. As she drove away I wanted to chase after her and say "noooooo." Is that why I'm here? Am I trying to get favor from God? Don't I know that works gets me no where!? It falls in the same category of someone saying "we don't have storm damaged...we are very blessed." Are the people that do have damaged not blessed? Do you not have damage b/c of some connection you have with God? I realize that not everyone reads into everything the way I do...and people pray over meals as routinely as they brush their teeth so maybe this "last thought" is a pretty ridiculous one. BUT I don't feel like God will bless me at all for my actions this weekend. I don't think God celebrated my actions one bit. I think he did say, "glad you did what you are supposed to be doing." Would it make sense for a mother to celebrate a child cleaning their room with ice cream when that is expected of the child? "Let's go grab some ice cream, Timmy, you did such a good job making your bed!" If little Timmy knows he's required to make his bed then all momma is gonna do is notice that he did what was required of him! God isn't going to bless or not bless me based off what I do. He has made his instructions pretty clear "love the lord your god with all your heart, mind and soul and love your neighbor as yourself." We are supposed to be Christ in this world..his hands and feet so should I actually get rewarded for doing what I'm supposed to do!

I'm the first to admit that I don't always love like I'm supposed to...but when I do I'm reminded how how truly small and insignificant I am & I suppose it truly is a blessing to be reminded of that.