buyers remorse?

I'm not really sure what to think of the feelings that are going through my head right now. It's hard to even piece them together.

At 7pm tonight we are meeting with our Realtors....to make an offer on a house! You would think that I should be jumping up and down because I'm so excited. I am excited, but I'm also very very nervous and I'm trying to figure out exactly why. Maybe it's a little of everything and maybe this is how you're supposed to feel when you are making an offer on a house. If it is...they should prepare you for this feeling b/c it's not what I expected!

Before you get too excited for us you should know this...it prob. won't happen. We are asking a significant amount less than the offer price so I know that most likely this won't come to be. I would really be shocked if they took our offer, but as John always says "the answer is always 'no' if you never ask." So, I may really be pumped about this house, but I won't let myself think about it actually being ours since most likely it won't be. Maybe that's why I feel sick right now....

or maybe it's because...

This is a HUGE purchase...huge...like the biggest thing we'll ever purchase in our life..except maybe our kids college education. Anyway, it's a big decision and there are a million things running through my mind at the same time. Is this the right one? it's not backed up to woods like I wanted? the yard is ok, but it's not huge. It's ok that it's not everything we wanted right? It's in a good neighborhood though. Did we really look at it long enough? Will it resale easily when the market turns? It's so close to the other houses and I always said I hated that...is it ok now?

or perhaps it's....

The location. The location is fair. It's in Ooltewah, which could be good for resale because the VW plant will be coming to that area soon. We've gone back an forth about if we want to live in Ooltewah. Naturally right now as I sit here and type this up I'm thinking I'm not really ok with that area. ;) I like being down the road from people that can watch our dogs or give me a ride somewhere if I need it. I'm alone all day working from home and with John getting home so late these days I'm worried I'll be even more lonely in Ooltewah. But...again...it depends on the day. Tomorrow it may be the best place on earth to me.

could it be that...

I'm having buyers remorse and we've not bought yet? It's a little something called "mortgage payment" that we have not had the privilege of knowing yet. There is something so sweet about renting and knowing that you can change your mind at any time...not the case with a house you own. Are we ready to replace a heater if it goes out? Are we ready to say "this is it...this is the best house on the market for us?" I feel like this is a marriage we're about to get into, but this time I've got cold feet! The responsibility and "ball and chain" of having a house that you are stuck with forever (it feels like forever) it freaking me out right now. If I was the bride in a wedding gown I'd contemplate running from the church like it was on fire. Do we really need to own a house anyway? What's wrong with paying someone else to own it for you?

OR

Maybe it's my commitment issues coming up. I want every person I know and trust and love to just call me on the phone and say that this is the right decision that the Lord sent an angel to tell them that I should move forward with no worries! I want affirmation this is RIGHT, but really no one can give that to me.

What if it's....

not in the Lord's will? Am I feeling this way b/c he hasn't given me peace about this? Is this anxiousness coming from my spirit, stomach or heart? Could the Lord be trying to tell me to STOP or is it just nerves?

I am afraid it's not one simple explanation. I think it's a little of it all running through my head, heart and lungs-since it's hard to breath right now! I'm afraid I'm getting worked up all over nothing, but I still feel very worked up! Most likely this won't even happen...but what if it does!? I could use a little prayer tonight if you think about it..it could go like this, "lord, please keep Lisa in one piece." I'll keep you posted.....