Have you ever gone through a period of time where you just don't feel like yourself? That's my issue at the current moment. I normally don't rant and rave about personal emotions on my blog, but I am this time so feel free to skip over this one.
I feel like there is a ball of rubber bands in my chest that are wound tightly together...I want them to subside...to disband and just relax, but they won't. I feel like i am going through each day just trying to make it through...just trying to keep the rubber bands from popping all over the place.
I've tried to pinpoint what the issues is...what in the world is making me feel this way, but I can't identify one particular thing. It really is a bunch of little things....um...prob. around 50 b/c I named about that many earlier in an email to my husband. :) Aren't you glad you aren't him?
There are two major problems here. One is that I can't fix all those little things that are diving me nuts...they are either too petty to even deal with or require more time than I have. Second is that I feel out of control...not crazy...but literally like I can't control my circumstances. I need control. I need a plan. I need organization in my life & I'm deprived of all those things right now. We are living with friends & thank God for friends, but I thought we would have our own place right now & well on our way to happily signing away our lives a mortgage payment, but we're just not finding anything we love.
I'm waiting....I'm waiting to see if we will continue to live with friends, find somewhere else to rent, find a house to buy...and I'm just not good at the waiting game. Seriously, I used to pop out of my hiding spot during "hid & seek" b/c the suspense of waiting on that person to find me! I'd honestly rather be "it."
What does the mean about me? None of us are really in control, but the illusion that we are is all we need to stay content, it's pretty pathetic truly, but I'm the queen of this illusion. I know the Lord could really teach me some stuff right now...I just wish I didn't have to be a basket case during the process. I wish I didn't get on my own nerves nevertheless those around me. I just need to feel like me again...just for a little while so I can remember this too will pass.
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3 comments:
1-I feel the EXACT same way and know that I am not thinking rational about anything right now.
2-See... I'm not the only one with control issues. =)
This could be our song motto right now... "Jesus take the wheel!!!" baahaaahaa....
I love you and I am praying for you! Remember how horrible Rochester seemed to be and how hard it was, and then how God worked it all out better than you could have planned? I am sure He has great plans for you now and when you look back it will be so clear. Don't you just wish you could see those plans, now, though? : )
I guess life doesn't get un-sticky just because we move back to Cleveland, huh friend:-) (Although it would be nice!)
Be reassured that you are where God wants you right now. Everything will work out.... just in his time:-) Love you!
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